The Next Morning…

The Next Morning…

As I watched my father lay there in what I thought it was, this massive refrigerator, the feeling of his skin was so cold, very pale and hard. I could barely even breathe. I couldn’t think straight from the days and nights awake hoping for a miracle and meals that weren’t eaten just to be beside my father. He looked very calm and happy. He was at peace and that somehow gave me a sense of relief and at that moment it made me think differently. What if it was his time? What if he knew it was coming?  Is that why he said the things he did that last moment I saw him? Because he wanted to keep strong? For my brother and I? For mum? I would never know…

A few months before my father’s death, he already explained to my brother and I what we needed to do and who to call if he was to leave us one day. Ever since that day, it kept replaying in the back of my mind that my father isn’t going to be here forever and that would leave myself crying myself to sleep at night beside him. I cherished every moment spent with my daddy. From calling him daddy darling, calling me bubba. From the play fights he had with my mother, all the laughter they shared together. From all the songs that we sang along too whenever it came on the radio, dancing around in the lounge and sitting outside on the porch listening to the birds chirp. From all the family outings we had on Sundays. My dad sacrificed a lot for my mother, brother and I. Even though he was sick and tired, he would sacrifice his mornings to go to work just to get extra money just so we could get what we wanted. Even though he was tired, he would still make time to spend time together with us. He was a hard working man and I am very grateful to have known such an amazing man that I call my father and that will always have a place in my heart.

One of the hardest parts was calling my sister to tell her the bad news that morning. As soon as she answered the phone, I bursted into tears and she probably already sensed that something wasn’t right and that something bad has happened. I managed to stop crying for a little while and it all splattered out.

Without my sister and her husband’s help, we wouldn’t have been able to get through anything. Our father’s funeral was beautiful and simple. Just the way he would have wanted it. My father never liked attention. He liked giving people attention and making others happy instead of himself. He liked things done simple for himself and things done perfectly if it was for someone else. We always surprised him on christmas and his birthdays even on random days even though we knew he never liked it but it was always good to see a smile on his face.

Dad, I miss you so much! I miss your smile, your hugs and kisses! I miss your voice. I remember always calling our landline just to listen to your voice for the last time. I remember everything that you have taught me. I remember all the great moments that we had as a family and I would never forget you. You will always have a place in my heart. I am still your little girl and will always be.

Love YB x

Thanks so much for anyone reading my blog and giving me such great comments❤ I really appreciate it. Stay positive! Today is the last day of term 2 and it’s going to be a blast! Stay safe and you’ll hear from me tomorrow:) xx